It seems to be something that always grows.
I've been watching court TV programs for years. It utterly fascinates me the things people are willing to complain about or otherwise blame others for. Occasionally, it's interesting, especially in cases concerning pets, in terms of how the law is applied.
Very often, cases are about somebody not repaying a loan. As a highly independent person, I just can't imagine asking another individual to loan me money. I especially can't imagine asking once, not paying, and then saying I need more, but don't worry I'll be able to pay both the first and the second loan back. But people do this all the time. Needing a loan from someone for a specific thing tends to grow into needing loans for just about everything.
I've sometimes wondered what it must feel like to get by on asking people for loans as a way of life, and then on top of not having any money in the first place, the added stress of knowing you need to pay them back. And then sometimes conveniently misinterpreting their good will when the loaner tries to alleviate the stress by saying things like, "Well, just pay it back when you're back on your feet." Which tends to get misinterpreted as "Good, I don't ever have to pay them back."
I'm with Oprah. She has said that she doesn't give people loans. If someone asks for a loan, and she decides to do so, she just outright gives them the money. Otherwise, she has the stress of trying to keep track of how much they've repaid, and having to bug them about the unpaid portion, etc. And if someone is sincerely in a financial mess, and the loaner sincerely cares about them, why add stress to their lives with the burden of having to pay the money back? It's easier on everyone to just say, "Here, take this. I hope it helps."
I knew someone who didn't have access to credit cards, and I had lots of access. So, I did a cash advance to loan him a few hundred dollars. He of course was going to pay me back within a week or so. And that turned, instead, into a request for a few thousand dollars which would be paid back within a couple of weeks. That turned into a payment plan of fifty dollars a week, which resulted in one payment of $50 and no more. Because he'd done a lot for me many years prior, and I'd folded the cash advance into another credit card and it was going to be too much of a hassle to figure out what was what as far as interest, etc., I firmly told him, "You don't have to pay me back. But don't ever ask me for money again." We stayed in touch but he never again went down that road with me.
In my online horse racing game, I have more game money than all but a few of the seven hundred players. I know how hard it is getting on financial footing when one is starting out, so I often up and give new players money if I see that they're struggling. I've learned to say that I only do bailouts once, since I expect them to learn from their mistakes. I don't want them thinking it's okay to do something financially foolish in the game, if they believe someone like me will bail them out. It really rubs me the wrong way, when a player asks me for money, when I've already given them some before. If I give them more, then that feels like enabling them to be financially sloppy players.
Sure enough, I had a good friend in the game -- we communicate by phone -- and he once asked me for (game) money and said he'd pay it back as soon as he had some horses running a few days. He did. Then he asked me again, emphasizing "You know I'm good for it." Not that I'd ever miss it, but his horses didn't run as well as expected in the ensuing days, and he said, "I can't pay you back yet." So, not caring about the money but feeling annoyed that he viewed me as his bank, I told him, "You don't have to pay me back. But don't ever ask me for money again." He never has.
A decade ago, when the economy tanked, I was nearly three months behind on the mortgage and, at one point, had $25 to my name. A fan friend I regularly emailed with said she'd talked to their husband and they were willing to give me some money. I don't know how much she meant, or if it would be a loan or a gift or what. But I turned it down pretty quickly -- not wanting to go there -- while being very appreciative and touched that that she was willing to do something like that. But me and the dogs hadn't reached the point of where we weren't sure where the next meal was coming from, and that would have to be the criteria for accepting a loan from someone I knew. Eventually, things got better, and then great, and looking back, I'm so glad I never felt like I needed to take her up on that offer. It would have surely changed how we relate to each other. We've been email friends -- and have met a few times -- for over 15 years now.
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